It has been a while. I keep telling myself to post and then I don't. So here I am posting. Posting about my dear, dear grandmother who was in a very serious car accident. She survived and made it through her first bout of surgery. She has a long road ahead of her. Please if you read this and you believe in prayer, pray for her.
My Grandmother is such a dear lady. She has ALWAYS been there for me. Since I was born. I remember going to her house for sleepovers. Now that I am older, married and have my own family I don't go for those sleepovers. We do call each other and stop in on occasion. I don't always stop in as often as I would like but everytime we drive by her house I always look and make sure I don't see anything out of the ordinary.
I have not been in to see her at the hospital, yet. I know she needs her rest and I want her children to have the opportunity to spend time with her as she isn't allowed much company at this time as she NEEDS her rest. Depending on when her next surgery is will depend on when we get in to see her.
My grandmother is an amazing lady. We all love her so much.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Do you ever feel alone?
Do you ever feel alone? Feel as though you have no friends? Feel as though no matter how hard you try your friends just aren't there anymore or like they used to be?
That is me. I've never had an easy time making friends. It's always been difficult. I was teased, tormented, made fun of and more growing up. When I thought I had a friend, it seemed as though that friend had a new friend and they were closer than glue. Well that's the way I've been feeling lately. Alone, forgotten, left out.
It hurts, it is not easy and it is just plain hard. It's even hard to understand and comprehend why this always seems to happen to me. I try to move on, I try to step forward but it isn't always the easiest thing for me to do, especially when I feel alone.
For now I will continue to deal. I'll continue to pray about it. Maybe someday, sometime, someway I'll have answers to my own questions.
That is me. I've never had an easy time making friends. It's always been difficult. I was teased, tormented, made fun of and more growing up. When I thought I had a friend, it seemed as though that friend had a new friend and they were closer than glue. Well that's the way I've been feeling lately. Alone, forgotten, left out.
It hurts, it is not easy and it is just plain hard. It's even hard to understand and comprehend why this always seems to happen to me. I try to move on, I try to step forward but it isn't always the easiest thing for me to do, especially when I feel alone.
For now I will continue to deal. I'll continue to pray about it. Maybe someday, sometime, someway I'll have answers to my own questions.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
how are you?
Is it really that hard to answer that question? Or is it just easier to simply ignore that it was asked. Sometimes I wonder if the person is just ignoring the question, being dishonest or simply if they don't answer the question they won't get caught in a lie. Sometimes it's hurtful to not answer the question. No it isn't always easy but it isn't always easy on the other side to not get responded too.
Next time when someone asks how you are? answer them in the most honest way you can.
Next time when someone asks how you are? answer them in the most honest way you can.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
fireworks
This weekend we got to partake of some fireworks. I absolutely enjoyed sitting and watching them for the 25 minutes that they were shot into the air. 
Here are just 3 of the photo's that I managed to take and thought were pretty neat. I love the one at the top, as it appears there is a hand reaching out.
Here are just 3 of the photo's that I managed to take and thought were pretty neat. I love the one at the top, as it appears there is a hand reaching out.
Friday, June 24, 2011
housewife
I have realized that I am not the housewife that I should/need to be. I have realized this before and have fallen off the bandwagon again. You would think I would have learned the first time.
Today was a rough day. I felt like a horrible wife. I pushed myself to the max to try to get some things done around here. I didn't accompolish my goal. I failed, yet again.
I spent much of my afternoon in tears, then they would stop and I would start thinking again and more tears would start. I just couldn't seem to stop crying once I started. It was rough.
I am going to try better. I'm also going to try not to be so hard on myself. I'm going to try to be a better housewife.
Today was a rough day. I felt like a horrible wife. I pushed myself to the max to try to get some things done around here. I didn't accompolish my goal. I failed, yet again.
I spent much of my afternoon in tears, then they would stop and I would start thinking again and more tears would start. I just couldn't seem to stop crying once I started. It was rough.
I am going to try better. I'm also going to try not to be so hard on myself. I'm going to try to be a better housewife.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Life
Sometimes life just plain old sucks. Other times it's really great.
While I do try to find the positives in life sometimes it isn't always easy. I think of friends and family that have lost a loved one. What they are dealing with. I listen to people close to me vent and say what is going on in their life and I just feel for them. I feel for them and what they have to go through. I wish sometimes life would be so simpler. There seems to be so much going on all at once and sometimes I have a hard time reminding myself to keep it simple and think of the positives. I do have a lot to be thankful for but don't we all have days where sometimes, just sometimes it is hard to find those things to be thankful for.
For example, you have a rough sleep. It seems you are awake more then you sleep. You have to get up earlier then wanting to. Getting ready just doesn't go as smoothly as hoped. Then you be honest and say what's on your mind and get grumbled at for doing so, then it feels like your heart gets ripped out of your chest and you feel awful for the rest of the day. This seems to be life. Is it a normal part of life? Ya, probably for some, for others maybe not so much. As the day goes on your little one just brightens your day. Gives you those hugs and kisses, galore! Tries all on his own to swim (with armbands on), so precious, rollerblades like crazy and does a fabulous job. Then it's time for a goodnight kiss and the day is suddenly gone. Then you realize that you do have a lot to be thankful for. You have clothes to wear, food to eat, legs to walk, a bed to sleep in, eyes to see, ears to hear and so much more. What are you thankful for today? Even when life gets you down, try to remember the positive things in your life. Whether they are huge or even little. God does wonderful things even when we least expect it.
(photo taken summer of 2010)
truth
Why is it when we tell the truth we tend to get in trouble?
Sometimes it seems as though when we tell the truth we end up getting hurt ourselves in the end.
I grew up being taught to tell the truth, it's the right thing to do but sometimes I find myself in a spot that it's just better to keep my mouth shut. Then what? Should I say what is on my mind or just keep quiet?
Sometimes it seems as though when we tell the truth we end up getting hurt ourselves in the end.
I grew up being taught to tell the truth, it's the right thing to do but sometimes I find myself in a spot that it's just better to keep my mouth shut. Then what? Should I say what is on my mind or just keep quiet?
Friday, June 17, 2011
Mommy, I miss Grampie!
While trying to get the little guy settled for bed tonight, he sure had a lot of tears. I hope that he isn't getting the sinus pains that I have had the last couple of days. In the meantime, I was sitting on the couch and hear the little guy get out of bed. I could hear the sobbing cries he was making. So I called him downstairs. On the way downstairs he cried and cried, I miss Grampie. I just want to play with him. If it wasn't for the fact that it was way after bedtime, I probably would have called his Grampie to set up a playdate. We will have to make connections in the next few days and both 'boys' will be extremly happy. Jack absolutely LOVES spending time with his Grampie (my dad). He loves that Grampie will play with him. They will play some air hockey, mini hockey sticks in the livingroom, train table, play outside & spend as much time together as they can. I know and can tell that they both cherish the time that they have together. Even though Jack isn't quite 4 he knows that his Grampie is so important to him and he loves him so much. Grampie usually ends up in many of Jack's conversations.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
taking things for granted
Ever find you take way too many things for granted? I do and many times I need to remember to remind myself that I shouldn't. Really why do we do that?
The past couple of weeks have been really difficult. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. My great uncle passed away and then a very good friend passed away. I cried, I lost sleep, I hardly ate some days because I was so sad.
Recently I have wanted to kick myself in the butt because many times I have found myself saying, "I can talk to that person tomorrow or I can go visit them another day, etc, etc.". Well for some people tomorrow never comes and that's when reality sets in.
This is what happened to me. We were looking forward to inviting our friend to the car races. We talked with him last summer and he so wanted to go and be there. So this year my husband and I talked many times and we were so excited. We were going to call him up, tell him he was coming and go to the car races. We were going to do this a week before the races, which was the day he passed away. My heart broke. My heart broke for my loss, for my husbands loss (because he too was excited to go to the races with our friend) and it broke for our friends wife and family.
Today was a good but hard day. We ventured to the car races, without our friend. Mind you, I'm sure he's looking down from heaven and can watch the races whenever he wants but I missed him. I missed the chance/opportunity that we were hoping to have. The excitement that he would have shown in his face. The excitement I remember seeing the time we talked to him about the races.
I found myself today thinking of that and fighting to hold back the tears while sitting in a stand watching the car races.
I have to remind myself to not take things & people for granted. They won't always be here for us or when we want/need them. Things will not always happen the way we want them too or when we want them too. I need to constantly remind myself of this.
The past couple of weeks have been really difficult. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. My great uncle passed away and then a very good friend passed away. I cried, I lost sleep, I hardly ate some days because I was so sad.
Recently I have wanted to kick myself in the butt because many times I have found myself saying, "I can talk to that person tomorrow or I can go visit them another day, etc, etc.". Well for some people tomorrow never comes and that's when reality sets in.
This is what happened to me. We were looking forward to inviting our friend to the car races. We talked with him last summer and he so wanted to go and be there. So this year my husband and I talked many times and we were so excited. We were going to call him up, tell him he was coming and go to the car races. We were going to do this a week before the races, which was the day he passed away. My heart broke. My heart broke for my loss, for my husbands loss (because he too was excited to go to the races with our friend) and it broke for our friends wife and family.
Today was a good but hard day. We ventured to the car races, without our friend. Mind you, I'm sure he's looking down from heaven and can watch the races whenever he wants but I missed him. I missed the chance/opportunity that we were hoping to have. The excitement that he would have shown in his face. The excitement I remember seeing the time we talked to him about the races.
I found myself today thinking of that and fighting to hold back the tears while sitting in a stand watching the car races.
I have to remind myself to not take things & people for granted. They won't always be here for us or when we want/need them. Things will not always happen the way we want them too or when we want them too. I need to constantly remind myself of this.
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Thankful Wednesday
In the midst of everything that has been going on lately, I find that I need to remind myself to be thankful.
Dad reminded me of one thing to be thankful for. He said, we need to remember that Heaven is having a huge party right now. He's right. Heaven is, they received a wonderful man. It's hard though because to us it wasn't his (Dub's) time to go, but yet God was ready to take him home. It reminds me of when my mom passed away. I wasn't ready for her to go but God was. He has a plan and a reason. What that plan and reason is, I haven't quite figured that out, yet. I miss mom everyday.
I'm thankful for the sun today. The sun is shining brightly, there is a nice breeze blowing and we are able to enjoy and breathe in the fresh air.
I'm thankful for being able to provide and put food on the table. Food has gotten quite costly, so I am finding myself to be more careful with what I purchase. I am watching for coupons and try to use them when the opportunity arises.
I'm thankful for time with my son. Thankful that I am able to stay at home and watch him grow. I love the time that I have with him.
Dad reminded me of one thing to be thankful for. He said, we need to remember that Heaven is having a huge party right now. He's right. Heaven is, they received a wonderful man. It's hard though because to us it wasn't his (Dub's) time to go, but yet God was ready to take him home. It reminds me of when my mom passed away. I wasn't ready for her to go but God was. He has a plan and a reason. What that plan and reason is, I haven't quite figured that out, yet. I miss mom everyday.
I'm thankful for the sun today. The sun is shining brightly, there is a nice breeze blowing and we are able to enjoy and breathe in the fresh air.
I'm thankful for being able to provide and put food on the table. Food has gotten quite costly, so I am finding myself to be more careful with what I purchase. I am watching for coupons and try to use them when the opportunity arises.
I'm thankful for time with my son. Thankful that I am able to stay at home and watch him grow. I love the time that I have with him.
Monday, June 06, 2011
a child
(photo taken during the summer of 2009)
Sometimes it takes a child to bring a smile to your face.
Sometimes it takes a child to bring tears to your eyes.
Sometimes it takes a child to put things into perspective.
Sometimes it takes a child to just completely melt your heart.
Sometimes it takes a child to say, everything will be ok.
Sometimes that child is mine.
Tonight was a special night. We were at a friends place. Her husband just passed away. My son was putting the pieces together. We had talked, we told him on Sunday that mommy was sad because a friend had died. Well tonight when we were there visiting he needed to go to the bathroom and just before we left he said to me: Mommy does she live here all by herself? I said yes, she does now, that is why sometimes we are sad today. He said, did he die? I said yes. He's in heaven with Nannie and they are with Jesus. He was content with that but when we got home he had to call his Grampie (my dad) because he missed him. It's times like these that puts things into perspective for me. These are moments that I do cherish and love even if they are during hard times.
Sometimes it takes a child to bring tears to your eyes.
Sometimes it takes a child to put things into perspective.
Sometimes it takes a child to just completely melt your heart.
Sometimes it takes a child to say, everything will be ok.
Sometimes that child is mine.
Tonight was a special night. We were at a friends place. Her husband just passed away. My son was putting the pieces together. We had talked, we told him on Sunday that mommy was sad because a friend had died. Well tonight when we were there visiting he needed to go to the bathroom and just before we left he said to me: Mommy does she live here all by herself? I said yes, she does now, that is why sometimes we are sad today. He said, did he die? I said yes. He's in heaven with Nannie and they are with Jesus. He was content with that but when we got home he had to call his Grampie (my dad) because he missed him. It's times like these that puts things into perspective for me. These are moments that I do cherish and love even if they are during hard times.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
and he is gone....
I find it so hard to believe that he's gone. Such a shock, so sad, so fast. Dub will always be missed. Always. He was a great dad (not mine) but yet he was always that person that I knew I could look up to. He was an awesome grand-dad, relative & friend. If you needed someone to talk to, he was there.
Dub and I have many great memories together. Memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. There were days when I wanted to relive those memories. I spent numerous hours at his house, drinking hot chocolate. He always made it extra hot, I think that was so I would spend hours at his place talking to him, listening to him talk, etc etc.
I delivered his newspaper and each day (when he was able to be at home) he always looked forward to me stopping by. The days that I couldn't stay, he always seemed a bit sad. Many times I would deliver everyone else's newspaper as fast as I could and leave his until the end so I could have my daily visit with him.
Definitely thinking & praying for the family.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
quiet
saddness
sick feeling in my stomach
loneliness
cold
chills
tears
heartache
brokenness
please, no more death... I can't take it right now. My great uncle passed away last saturday. Heart failure is what I have heard. He was found dead outside at his house.
now this....please I need to see a miracle.
sick feeling in my stomach
loneliness
cold
chills
tears
heartache
brokenness
please, no more death... I can't take it right now. My great uncle passed away last saturday. Heart failure is what I have heard. He was found dead outside at his house.
now this....please I need to see a miracle.
Monday, May 16, 2011
When is baby number 2 coming along?
That seems to be such a common question and a hard question to answer at that. I have no idea when and IF that will happen. Right now my health is my number one concern. I haven't been feeling the best for a while now and am currently waiting for results from some tests.
So how do I respond? Each time is different & many times I'm fighting back tears because part of me wants more kids and another part of me is very happy with my son. Some days I find myself very confused on this topic.
A while back we were at a church and I had 3 people come up to me and basically say the same thing, oh we didn't know you were pregnant again, when are you due? By the time the third person said that to me, it was all I could do to fight back the tears and resist screaming I'm fat, I know it, I don't know why, please leave me alone!!! Instead I would calmly say no, I'm just fat. To which they usually replied no you are not. (but inside I know/feel different about that). Once I figure out what is going on with me maybe then some of this weight will drop.
Sometimes I wish people just wouldn't ask.
So how do I respond? Each time is different & many times I'm fighting back tears because part of me wants more kids and another part of me is very happy with my son. Some days I find myself very confused on this topic.
A while back we were at a church and I had 3 people come up to me and basically say the same thing, oh we didn't know you were pregnant again, when are you due? By the time the third person said that to me, it was all I could do to fight back the tears and resist screaming I'm fat, I know it, I don't know why, please leave me alone!!! Instead I would calmly say no, I'm just fat. To which they usually replied no you are not. (but inside I know/feel different about that). Once I figure out what is going on with me maybe then some of this weight will drop.
Sometimes I wish people just wouldn't ask.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I wish I could go back in time.
There are many days that I wish I could go back in time. Why? Here are a few reasons:
- I would treat my mother & father with more respect
- I would listen more to what they had to say
- I would give them more hugs & say I love you more
- I would spend more time with them.
As some people may or may not know my mom passed away December 18,2009. Two weeks before she went in the hospital via amulance I was sick. We weren't sure what was wrong. I decided that it was best for me to stay away from my mom, during that time. If I knew she was dying so quickly I would have spent every waking minute with her, that I could. I regret not spending time with her (even though I knew I was sick and that it was best to keep my germs to myself). I miss her every single day.
- I would treat my mother & father with more respect
- I would listen more to what they had to say
- I would give them more hugs & say I love you more
- I would spend more time with them.
As some people may or may not know my mom passed away December 18,2009. Two weeks before she went in the hospital via amulance I was sick. We weren't sure what was wrong. I decided that it was best for me to stay away from my mom, during that time. If I knew she was dying so quickly I would have spent every waking minute with her, that I could. I regret not spending time with her (even though I knew I was sick and that it was best to keep my germs to myself). I miss her every single day.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
things in life
Outside my window… I see the glimpse of the wind blowing in the trees, the dampness of the rain that we have received in the last few days. I see the leaves growing on the trees, the quiet of the neighbourhood.
I am thinking… I wonder if this is even a good question. I have lots of my mind right now. Lots of things I want and need to get done today. Currently though in my mind is vacation. I wonder if we will get to go away for a couple of nights or if we will stick close to home and try to take in a few things near us. We will see as the time gets closer.
I am thankful for… oh where to start? I am so thankful for so much. Thankful for a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes to wear, a loving family, a caring husband, a handsome son. There's so much to be thankful for. I can walk, I can see and hear, I can breathe on my own, I can smell, I can touch, I can talk. There's just so much to be thankful for.
From the kitchen…there are dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher, hamburger that is cooked and chicken in the oven cooking.
I am hearing…the cd of Steven Curtis Chapman playing in the background. I am also hearing Jack playing with his toys. Currently he has his trucks & his hockey boxes
Around the house…there are things to pick up and put away.
One of my favourite things… spending time with my family. I cherish the weekends when Dh and I don't have to work and we can usually get that time to spend it together as a family, even if it means going grocery shopping.
I am thinking… I wonder if this is even a good question. I have lots of my mind right now. Lots of things I want and need to get done today. Currently though in my mind is vacation. I wonder if we will get to go away for a couple of nights or if we will stick close to home and try to take in a few things near us. We will see as the time gets closer.
I am thankful for… oh where to start? I am so thankful for so much. Thankful for a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes to wear, a loving family, a caring husband, a handsome son. There's so much to be thankful for. I can walk, I can see and hear, I can breathe on my own, I can smell, I can touch, I can talk. There's just so much to be thankful for.
From the kitchen…there are dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher, hamburger that is cooked and chicken in the oven cooking.
I am hearing…the cd of Steven Curtis Chapman playing in the background. I am also hearing Jack playing with his toys. Currently he has his trucks & his hockey boxes
Around the house…there are things to pick up and put away.
One of my favourite things… spending time with my family. I cherish the weekends when Dh and I don't have to work and we can usually get that time to spend it together as a family, even if it means going grocery shopping.
Monday, May 09, 2011
8 things updated
8 things I look forward to:
-seeing the flowers bloom
-watching my boy play hockey
-time with friends this week
-time with friends on the weekend
-helping my dad out
-eating more chocolate brownie cake
-grocery shopping
-going to bed and getting some much needed sleep
8 things I did yesterday:
-went to church
-held one of my nephews (6 weeks)
-ate turkey dinner
-received a mothers day gift from hubby and Jack (a new bicycle helmet, golf balls & tee's)
-received a carnation for mothers day
-talked with my husband
-stopped in at my mothers grave and put some flowers back
-called my dad to tell him we were home
8 things I wish I could do:
- keep my house organzied
-cut the cost of groceries without cutting out food
-not have to blow my nose (allergies)
-fly like an eagle
-fix things when they need to be fixed, ie repairs, etc
-draw
-pick out a paint color for my livingroom
-snap my fingers and have my house all cleaned up
8 shows I watch
-amazing race (over now)
-survivor
-csi
-sometimes rachel ray but not often
-wheel of fortune when I get a chance
-
-
-
-seeing the flowers bloom
-watching my boy play hockey
-time with friends this week
-time with friends on the weekend
-helping my dad out
-eating more chocolate brownie cake
-grocery shopping
-going to bed and getting some much needed sleep
8 things I did yesterday:
-went to church
-held one of my nephews (6 weeks)
-ate turkey dinner
-received a mothers day gift from hubby and Jack (a new bicycle helmet, golf balls & tee's)
-received a carnation for mothers day
-talked with my husband
-stopped in at my mothers grave and put some flowers back
-called my dad to tell him we were home
8 things I wish I could do:
- keep my house organzied
-cut the cost of groceries without cutting out food
-not have to blow my nose (allergies)
-fly like an eagle
-fix things when they need to be fixed, ie repairs, etc
-draw
-pick out a paint color for my livingroom
-snap my fingers and have my house all cleaned up
8 shows I watch
-amazing race (over now)
-survivor
-csi
-sometimes rachel ray but not often
-wheel of fortune when I get a chance
-
-
-
Thankful
What am I thankful for? These are just 10 of my thankful items.
1. time with my family
2. time with dh's family
3. food on the table
4. water to drink
5. the rain falling on the ground
6.being able to make a fire to warm the house
7. walking
8.talking
9.clean clothes
10.work
1. time with my family
2. time with dh's family
3. food on the table
4. water to drink
5. the rain falling on the ground
6.being able to make a fire to warm the house
7. walking
8.talking
9.clean clothes
10.work
mother's day
(Jack & my mom Halloween 2009)Mother's day has come and gone but what a good day it was. It was still a hard day/weekend as my mother passed away dec. 18, 2009 and I miss her so much.
We visited with the inlaws and Jack has a blast because he got to play with his couins for most of the weekend. He loved that.
Back to mother's day. I didn't sleep much all weekend. Every time I closed my eyes I pictured my mother lying in the hospital bed taking her last breath. (which I did see because before she passed on as I spent quite a few days by her bedside). Friday night of my not so much sleep I watched the clock most of the night. Saturday night, my son, Jack was sleeping on the floor next to the bed. In the wee morning hours he started laughing. This so made my long night because I was having great difficulty keeping my eyes closed for any length of time.
Sunday during church the pastor was praying for the ladies/moms/women of the church and he prayed for those that have lost their mothers, well at that point the tears rolled down my face. Hubby squeezed me tight and then I pulled myself together. I so miss my mom and to give anything to have another moment with her I so would. We did stop at her gravesite on the way home. I put the flowers back in that we had taken out before it snowed (they are fake) as we didn't want them to get ruined by the winter weather.
All in all besides not much sleep and trying to keep my own emotions together we had a good weekend.
We visited with the inlaws and Jack has a blast because he got to play with his couins for most of the weekend. He loved that.
Back to mother's day. I didn't sleep much all weekend. Every time I closed my eyes I pictured my mother lying in the hospital bed taking her last breath. (which I did see because before she passed on as I spent quite a few days by her bedside). Friday night of my not so much sleep I watched the clock most of the night. Saturday night, my son, Jack was sleeping on the floor next to the bed. In the wee morning hours he started laughing. This so made my long night because I was having great difficulty keeping my eyes closed for any length of time.
Sunday during church the pastor was praying for the ladies/moms/women of the church and he prayed for those that have lost their mothers, well at that point the tears rolled down my face. Hubby squeezed me tight and then I pulled myself together. I so miss my mom and to give anything to have another moment with her I so would. We did stop at her gravesite on the way home. I put the flowers back in that we had taken out before it snowed (they are fake) as we didn't want them to get ruined by the winter weather.
All in all besides not much sleep and trying to keep my own emotions together we had a good weekend.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Did you miss me?
Well life has been crazy busy lately, so busy that I forgot about this blog until a few weeks ago. I finally decided to search and find it and get back with things. I can't promise how good I'll be at this but I will try.
So hopefully I'll think of more to post here in the next little bit.
So hopefully I'll think of more to post here in the next little bit.
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