Mommy, I miss Grampie!

While trying to get the little guy settled for bed tonight, he sure had a lot of tears. I hope that he isn't getting the sinus pains that I have had the last couple of days. In the meantime, I was sitting on the couch and hear the little guy get out of bed. I could hear the sobbing cries he was making. So I called him downstairs. On the way downstairs he cried and cried, I miss Grampie. I just want to play with him. If it wasn't for the fact that it was way after bedtime, I probably would have called his Grampie to set up a playdate. We will have to make connections in the next few days and both 'boys' will be extremly happy. Jack absolutely LOVES spending time with his Grampie (my dad). He loves that Grampie will play with him. They will play some air hockey, mini hockey sticks in the livingroom, train table, play outside & spend as much time together as they can. I know and can tell that they both cherish the time that they have together. Even though Jack isn't quite 4 he knows that his Grampie is so important to him and he loves him so much. Grampie usually ends up in many of Jack's conversations.

taking things for granted

Ever find you take way too many things for granted? I do and many times I need to remember to remind myself that I shouldn't. Really why do we do that?

The past couple of weeks have been really difficult. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. My great uncle passed away and then a very good friend passed away. I cried, I lost sleep, I hardly ate some days because I was so sad.

Recently I have wanted to kick myself in the butt because many times I have found myself saying, "I can talk to that person tomorrow or I can go visit them another day, etc, etc.". Well for some people tomorrow never comes and that's when reality sets in.

This is what happened to me. We were looking forward to inviting our friend to the car races. We talked with him last summer and he so wanted to go and be there. So this year my husband and I talked many times and we were so excited. We were going to call him up, tell him he was coming and go to the car races. We were going to do this a week before the races, which was the day he passed away. My heart broke. My heart broke for my loss, for my husbands loss (because he too was excited to go to the races with our friend) and it broke for our friends wife and family.

Today was a good but hard day. We ventured to the car races, without our friend. Mind you, I'm sure he's looking down from heaven and can watch the races whenever he wants but I missed him. I missed the chance/opportunity that we were hoping to have. The excitement that he would have shown in his face. The excitement I remember seeing the time we talked to him about the races.
I found myself today thinking of that and fighting to hold back the tears while sitting in a stand watching the car races.

I have to remind myself to not take things & people for granted. They won't always be here for us or when we want/need them. Things will not always happen the way we want them too or when we want them too. I need to constantly remind myself of this.

Thankful Wednesday

In the midst of everything that has been going on lately, I find that I need to remind myself to be thankful.

Dad reminded me of one thing to be thankful for. He said, we need to remember that Heaven is having a huge party right now. He's right. Heaven is, they received a wonderful man. It's hard though because to us it wasn't his (Dub's) time to go, but yet God was ready to take him home. It reminds me of when my mom passed away. I wasn't ready for her to go but God was. He has a plan and a reason. What that plan and reason is, I haven't quite figured that out, yet. I miss mom everyday.

I'm thankful for the sun today. The sun is shining brightly, there is a nice breeze blowing and we are able to enjoy and breathe in the fresh air.

I'm thankful for being able to provide and put food on the table. Food has gotten quite costly, so I am finding myself to be more careful with what I purchase. I am watching for coupons and try to use them when the opportunity arises.

I'm thankful for time with my son. Thankful that I am able to stay at home and watch him grow. I love the time that I have with him.

a child

(photo taken during the summer of 2009)

Sometimes it takes a child to bring a smile to your face.
Sometimes it takes a child to bring tears to your eyes.
Sometimes it takes a child to put things into perspective.
Sometimes it takes a child to just completely melt your heart.
Sometimes it takes a child to say, everything will be ok.

Sometimes that child is mine.

Tonight was a special night. We were at a friends place. Her husband just passed away. My son was putting the pieces together. We had talked, we told him on Sunday that mommy was sad because a friend had died. Well tonight when we were there visiting he needed to go to the bathroom and just before we left he said to me: Mommy does she live here all by herself? I said yes, she does now, that is why sometimes we are sad today. He said, did he die? I said yes. He's in heaven with Nannie and they are with Jesus. He was content with that but when we got home he had to call his Grampie (my dad) because he missed him. It's times like these that puts things into perspective for me. These are moments that I do cherish and love even if they are during hard times.

and he is gone....

I find it so hard to believe that he's gone. Such a shock, so sad, so fast. Dub will always be missed. Always. He was a great dad (not mine) but yet he was always that person that I knew I could look up to. He was an awesome grand-dad, relative & friend. If you needed someone to talk to, he was there.

Dub and I have many great memories together. Memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life. There were days when I wanted to relive those memories. I spent numerous hours at his house, drinking hot chocolate. He always made it extra hot, I think that was so I would spend hours at his place talking to him, listening to him talk, etc etc.

I delivered his newspaper and each day (when he was able to be at home) he always looked forward to me stopping by. The days that I couldn't stay, he always seemed a bit sad. Many times I would deliver everyone else's newspaper as fast as I could and leave his until the end so I could have my daily visit with him.

Definitely thinking & praying for the family.

quiet

saddness
sick feeling in my stomach
loneliness
cold
chills
tears
heartache
brokenness
please, no more death... I can't take it right now. My great uncle passed away last saturday. Heart failure is what I have heard. He was found dead outside at his house.
now this....please I need to see a miracle.

When is baby number 2 coming along?

That seems to be such a common question and a hard question to answer at that. I have no idea when and IF that will happen. Right now my health is my number one concern. I haven't been feeling the best for a while now and am currently waiting for results from some tests.




So how do I respond? Each time is different & many times I'm fighting back tears because part of me wants more kids and another part of me is very happy with my son. Some days I find myself very confused on this topic.




A while back we were at a church and I had 3 people come up to me and basically say the same thing, oh we didn't know you were pregnant again, when are you due? By the time the third person said that to me, it was all I could do to fight back the tears and resist screaming I'm fat, I know it, I don't know why, please leave me alone!!! Instead I would calmly say no, I'm just fat. To which they usually replied no you are not. (but inside I know/feel different about that). Once I figure out what is going on with me maybe then some of this weight will drop.




Sometimes I wish people just wouldn't ask.

I wish I could go back in time.

There are many days that I wish I could go back in time. Why? Here are a few reasons:
- I would treat my mother & father with more respect
- I would listen more to what they had to say
- I would give them more hugs & say I love you more
- I would spend more time with them.

As some people may or may not know my mom passed away December 18,2009. Two weeks before she went in the hospital via amulance I was sick. We weren't sure what was wrong. I decided that it was best for me to stay away from my mom, during that time. If I knew she was dying so quickly I would have spent every waking minute with her, that I could. I regret not spending time with her (even though I knew I was sick and that it was best to keep my germs to myself). I miss her every single day.

things in life

Outside my window… I see the glimpse of the wind blowing in the trees, the dampness of the rain that we have received in the last few days. I see the leaves growing on the trees, the quiet of the neighbourhood.


I am thinking… I wonder if this is even a good question. I have lots of my mind right now. Lots of things I want and need to get done today. Currently though in my mind is vacation. I wonder if we will get to go away for a couple of nights or if we will stick close to home and try to take in a few things near us. We will see as the time gets closer.


I am thankful for… oh where to start? I am so thankful for so much. Thankful for a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes to wear, a loving family, a caring husband, a handsome son. There's so much to be thankful for. I can walk, I can see and hear, I can breathe on my own, I can smell, I can touch, I can talk. There's just so much to be thankful for.

From the kitchen…there are dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher, hamburger that is cooked and chicken in the oven cooking.


I am hearing…the cd of Steven Curtis Chapman playing in the background. I am also hearing Jack playing with his toys. Currently he has his trucks & his hockey boxes

Around the house…there are things to pick up and put away.

One of my favourite things… spending time with my family. I cherish the weekends when Dh and I don't have to work and we can usually get that time to spend it together as a family, even if it means going grocery shopping.

8 things updated

8 things I look forward to:
-seeing the flowers bloom
-watching my boy play hockey
-time with friends this week
-time with friends on the weekend
-helping my dad out
-eating more chocolate brownie cake
-grocery shopping
-going to bed and getting some much needed sleep


8 things I did yesterday:
-went to church
-held one of my nephews (6 weeks)
-ate turkey dinner
-received a mothers day gift from hubby and Jack (a new bicycle helmet, golf balls & tee's)
-received a carnation for mothers day
-talked with my husband
-stopped in at my mothers grave and put some flowers back
-called my dad to tell him we were home

8 things I wish I could do:
- keep my house organzied
-cut the cost of groceries without cutting out food
-not have to blow my nose (allergies)
-fly like an eagle
-fix things when they need to be fixed, ie repairs, etc
-draw
-pick out a paint color for my livingroom
-snap my fingers and have my house all cleaned up

8 shows I watch
-amazing race (over now)
-survivor
-csi
-sometimes rachel ray but not often
-wheel of fortune when I get a chance
-
-
-

Thankful

What am I thankful for? These are just 10 of my thankful items.

1. time with my family
2. time with dh's family
3. food on the table
4. water to drink
5. the rain falling on the ground
6.being able to make a fire to warm the house
7. walking
8.talking
9.clean clothes
10.work

mother's day

(Jack & my mom Halloween 2009)

Mother's day has come and gone but what a good day it was. It was still a hard day/weekend as my mother passed away dec. 18, 2009 and I miss her so much.
We visited with the inlaws and Jack has a blast because he got to play with his couins for most of the weekend. He loved that.

Back to mother's day. I didn't sleep much all weekend. Every time I closed my eyes I pictured my mother lying in the hospital bed taking her last breath. (which I did see because before she passed on as I spent quite a few days by her bedside). Friday night of my not so much sleep I watched the clock most of the night. Saturday night, my son, Jack was sleeping on the floor next to the bed. In the wee morning hours he started laughing. This so made my long night because I was having great difficulty keeping my eyes closed for any length of time.

Sunday during church the pastor was praying for the ladies/moms/women of the church and he prayed for those that have lost their mothers, well at that point the tears rolled down my face. Hubby squeezed me tight and then I pulled myself together. I so miss my mom and to give anything to have another moment with her I so would. We did stop at her gravesite on the way home. I put the flowers back in that we had taken out before it snowed (they are fake) as we didn't want them to get ruined by the winter weather.

All in all besides not much sleep and trying to keep my own emotions together we had a good weekend.

Did you miss me?

Well life has been crazy busy lately, so busy that I forgot about this blog until a few weeks ago. I finally decided to search and find it and get back with things. I can't promise how good I'll be at this but I will try.
So hopefully I'll think of more to post here in the next little bit.

ok so it's monday

I had a nice treat this weekend. I didn't have to cook supper on saturday or sunday. We went to my parents. Enjoyed a nice BBQ of hamburgers on Saturday and Sunday a lovely turkey dinner. Soooo good. Jack had a blast playing at my parents and he sure loved his Grampie and Nannie time. He got spoiled by his aunts as well. It was nice to sit back and watch all this happen.

As for this week. I have lots of things I need to get done. I need to make granola bars for hubby to take to work, I need to make laundry soap (it will be my first attempt), I need to finish crack filling the bathroom and paint it, and then get a second coat on it. I need to finish painting 2 bedrooms. One is just the trim, closet and windows, the other is making a boarder along the room. I'd be more than happy to get some assistance. Monday and Tuesday nights are out. I have meetings but hoping to get most of this done Wednesday and Thursday night.
I really should make some cookies. I just bought a whole big bag of oats. So maybe oatmeal cookies or I'll make some chocolate macaroons. So many things, now if I can just stick with it.

8 Things

8 things I look forward to:
1. summer vacation
2. weekends
3. taking Jack to a new class at a gym
4. making my dad's birthday present
5. having my husband home in the evenings
6. seeing the smiles on my son's face
7. getting the housework done
8. time with friends

8 things I did yesterday:
1. sorted the meat and organized it
2. watched/played with 3 kids
3. Made supper
4. picked up toys
5. went to Bible Study
6. played outside for a little bit
7. blew my nose
8. cried


8 things I wish I could do:
1. Paint
2. Draw
3. Sing
4. Dance
5. Fly
6. Pay off all our bills
7. keep my house organized
8. not have to blow my nose all the time


8 shows I watch:
1. Amazing Race
2. Survivor
3. Iron Chef America
4. Backyardigans
5. Harry and His bucketful of dinosaurs
6. Thomas the Train
7. Big Comfy Couch
8. The wiggles...

yes most of those are cartoons... :)

Life

Outside my window…

It is pouring rain out. I really hope it's not raining this hard when I have to head over to the church this evening with my 19 month old son. We have a church program with the children and I'm one of the leaders.

I am thinking… I am extremely tired and exhausted and can't wait to have some of my husbands spaghetti and sauce, with my biscuits (leftover from supper last night) for lunch.

I am thankful for… my husband. I love him to pieces. More and more each day. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful husband. I am thankful for so much more but he was the first person that came to my mind at this moment.

From the kitchen…oh man, please don't go look in there. It's a mess. Not as bad as some days but there are dishes in there from last nights supper. Not sure if I'll get at it this afternoon or not. I'm exhausted.

I am wearing…my jeans, a tank top and a sweater. I also have my lovely christmas socks on

I am creating…creating... hmmm not sure... trying to create a behaving little boy. So far it's not working out too well.. that's why it's almost nap time.

I am going… to put my son down for a nap and have some lunch and peace and quiet

I am reading… currently not much. I have been told to read the Shack but I haven't gotten there yet.

I am hoping…that thee rain stops for this evening so I don't have to walk in it.

I am hearing…My son attempting to reach his toys, his excitement and chatting. I am also listening to the rain and the wind.

Around the house…the main floor isn't too messy but don't go upstairs or downstairs you might get lost.

One of my favourite things… chocolate. I love chocolate and chocolate cake. Such a weakness for both

A few plans for the rest of the week:tidy up the house, do more laundry, already been to an appointment and a meeting this week. Easter Services this weekend.

Yummy Food

This weekend I tried a new recipe. It was creamy potato soup. Jack could not get enough of it. He loved it so much. I have never seen him down something so fast before. I made it more into a creamy soup than a watery soup but it was so good. Here's the link if you want to take a peek and try it out sometime. It's delicious.
http://www.tammysrecipes.com/creamy_potato_soup


My next recipe that I would like to try from her site is the chicken pot pie. It looks delicious. I currenlty have gall stones but for some reason (thankfully) cream cheese doesn't bother me too much. The crust has cream cheese in it. I think next week I'll be giving this a go!
http://www.tammysrecipes.com/best_chicken_pot_pie

Last night for supper (aka dinner) we had ham, rice and vegetables. So tonight I threw the left overs all together, added in some cream of broccoli soup and threw it in the oven. It was so tasty. I also knew it was good when my 19 month old says, MMmmmm, yummy mommy! I love hearing those words.

So that sums up the last couple of meals we have eaten. I love trying out new things. I get tired of eating the same old things, day in and day out. My husband really enjoys when I throw in something completely different. The kids don't always like it but it will grow on them eventually.

have you....

Have you seen this list? It’s making the blog rounds. I thought I’d play along. You ‘bold/highlight’ whatever you have done so far on the list. If you play along too I’d love to see your answers, so let me know so I can hop on over to your site!

My answers are in blue.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars (many camping trips and sleeping under the stars with awesome friends at a camp)
3. Played in a band ….at school
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower (so awesome to see, if you get the chance you should do it)
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland /world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo (other ppl sang but we all had our own parts)
11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea (not necessarily at sea but close enough)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (does scrapbooking count???)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning (yeps Hard Rock cafe in Toronto in 99)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables (well helped my dad when I was living at home)

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping (been there done that!)
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse (not watched the whole thing, would hurt my eyes but have seen it)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater (have not watched a movie but been to a drive in theater)
55. Been in a movie (does a project for school count)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (well sort of but not really, but do look after kids)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching (or sat on the rocks by the light house on Grand Manan and watched whales!)
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favourite childhood toy (my teddy)
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt (helped my grammie growing up)

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (well don't know how often dad sped)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible (been so long ago, I really need to do it again and again and again)
86. Visited the White House (hahah! the one near the university I went to... so not washington, dc)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (yeps, we had chickens and turkeys growing up)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (I had a friend in grade 6 that couldn't swim very well and the lifeguards weren't paying attention. So I jumped in and pulled her out)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Love

I heard something the other day. I loved what I heard. One of our friends, her husband has been in the hospital for a year now. She said, "I never knew I could love him more than I already did". Isn't this awesome? She has so much love for him but now that he's been in the hospital for so long she's realized how much she really does love him. I think this is amazing. I hope all married couples realize this someday.

It is Wednesday!

It is Wednesday and the sun is shining. Hoping to get outside at some point today. It's still a little chilly and the wind is pretty strong this morning. It's nice to see that it's finally starting to warm up during the day. Although they are calling for rain tomorrow and snow this weekend (really hope the snow at least changes to sun).
This weekend Jack will be going to his grandparents for Saturday night. He'll get to go to church with Grampie Sunday morning. I know my dad will be so ecstatic to have him with him. Jack sure loves both sets of grandparents. Hubby & I will be at a games night/social time at the church that evening. Will be nice to have a kid free night but I can tell you that I will be awake early in the morning thinking Jack will be up. Will be different heading to church without him. We are also hoping to get to the zoo on Sunday for a bit. Will be rushed to get there but will be so worth it.

Today, being March 18th it has been 1 year since my best friends dad passed away. I even called him dad. He was so amazing and will always have a special place in my heart. I will never forget him, never forget all the encouraging words he gave and I will never forget the hugs that he gave. Herb I miss you but I know you are in an amazing place. You have been healed by God's amazing power and love. We love you and we miss you but I look forward to the day that I get to see you again.
Love Sarah