1-800-HEAVEN

1-800-HEAVEN. Is the number I really wanted to dial today? It was a bit of a rough day and the tears just poured. So many emotions keep going through my body. I wish my mom was physically here to see her precious grandson (my son) start kindergarten. As much as I am so excited for him to go to school, I am so afraid for him. Afraid of the hurts he will get, the hurts he may cause, the frustrations that he may have and knowing that mommy isn't there to help him just breaks my heart. He's had a really tough time preparing for school. So we took him in to meet his teacher. He will enjoy her and I have only heard amazing things about her. I think the fact that he met his teacher has helped to ease some of the stress and anxiety that he has been having. He starts wednesday. It seems, it was just yesterday he was born. It wasn't yesterday, that is for sure. He just had his 5th birthday. I am very proud of my boy and proud of who he is becoming.

It's been a while.

It has been a while. I keep telling myself to post and then I don't. So here I am posting. Posting about my dear, dear grandmother who was in a very serious car accident. She survived and made it through her first bout of surgery. She has a long road ahead of her. Please if you read this and you believe in prayer, pray for her.

My Grandmother is such a dear lady. She has ALWAYS been there for me. Since I was born. I remember going to her house for sleepovers. Now that I am older, married and have my own family I don't go for those sleepovers. We do call each other and stop in on occasion. I don't always stop in as often as I would like but everytime we drive by her house I always look and make sure I don't see anything out of the ordinary.

I have not been in to see her at the hospital, yet. I know she needs her rest and I want her children to have the opportunity to spend time with her as she isn't allowed much company at this time as she NEEDS her rest. Depending on when her next surgery is will depend on when we get in to see her.

My grandmother is an amazing lady. We all love her so much.

Do you ever feel alone?

Do you ever feel alone? Feel as though you have no friends? Feel as though no matter how hard you try your friends just aren't there anymore or like they used to be?
That is me. I've never had an easy time making friends. It's always been difficult. I was teased, tormented, made fun of and more growing up. When I thought I had a friend, it seemed as though that friend had a new friend and they were closer than glue. Well that's the way I've been feeling lately. Alone, forgotten, left out.
It hurts, it is not easy and it is just plain hard. It's even hard to understand and comprehend why this always seems to happen to me. I try to move on, I try to step forward but it isn't always the easiest thing for me to do, especially when I feel alone.
For now I will continue to deal. I'll continue to pray about it. Maybe someday, sometime, someway I'll have answers to my own questions.

how are you?

Is it really that hard to answer that question? Or is it just easier to simply ignore that it was asked. Sometimes I wonder if the person is just ignoring the question, being dishonest or simply if they don't answer the question they won't get caught in a lie. Sometimes it's hurtful to not answer the question. No it isn't always easy but it isn't always easy on the other side to not get responded too.
Next time when someone asks how you are? answer them in the most honest way you can.

fireworks

This weekend we got to partake of some fireworks. I absolutely enjoyed sitting and watching them for the 25 minutes that they were shot into the air. Here are just 3 of the photo's that I managed to take and thought were pretty neat. I love the one at the top, as it appears there is a hand reaching out.

housewife

I have realized that I am not the housewife that I should/need to be. I have realized this before and have fallen off the bandwagon again. You would think I would have learned the first time.

Today was a rough day. I felt like a horrible wife. I pushed myself to the max to try to get some things done around here. I didn't accompolish my goal. I failed, yet again.

I spent much of my afternoon in tears, then they would stop and I would start thinking again and more tears would start. I just couldn't seem to stop crying once I started. It was rough.

I am going to try better. I'm also going to try not to be so hard on myself. I'm going to try to be a better housewife.

Life

Sometimes life just plain old sucks. Other times it's really great.

While I do try to find the positives in life sometimes it isn't always easy. I think of friends and family that have lost a loved one. What they are dealing with. I listen to people close to me vent and say what is going on in their life and I just feel for them. I feel for them and what they have to go through. I wish sometimes life would be so simpler. There seems to be so much going on all at once and sometimes I have a hard time reminding myself to keep it simple and think of the positives. I do have a lot to be thankful for but don't we all have days where sometimes, just sometimes it is hard to find those things to be thankful for.

For example, you have a rough sleep. It seems you are awake more then you sleep. You have to get up earlier then wanting to. Getting ready just doesn't go as smoothly as hoped. Then you be honest and say what's on your mind and get grumbled at for doing so, then it feels like your heart gets ripped out of your chest and you feel awful for the rest of the day. This seems to be life. Is it a normal part of life? Ya, probably for some, for others maybe not so much. As the day goes on your little one just brightens your day. Gives you those hugs and kisses, galore! Tries all on his own to swim (with armbands on), so precious, rollerblades like crazy and does a fabulous job. Then it's time for a goodnight kiss and the day is suddenly gone. Then you realize that you do have a lot to be thankful for. You have clothes to wear, food to eat, legs to walk, a bed to sleep in, eyes to see, ears to hear and so much more. What are you thankful for today? Even when life gets you down, try to remember the positive things in your life. Whether they are huge or even little. God does wonderful things even when we least expect it.

(photo taken summer of 2010)

truth

Why is it when we tell the truth we tend to get in trouble?
Sometimes it seems as though when we tell the truth we end up getting hurt ourselves in the end.
I grew up being taught to tell the truth, it's the right thing to do but sometimes I find myself in a spot that it's just better to keep my mouth shut. Then what? Should I say what is on my mind or just keep quiet?